Don't believe the lies. Girls are complicated: part one.

Women are crazy. We're a strange group that does not understand things like logic and common sense. My trusty friend, the jewish ninja, has coined a term called "BBC" which pretty much sums up girls and their irrational behavior. Bitches Being Crazy. So without further ado, I'm going to start off with a post about us girls and our lies.

The biggest lie that a girl will tell you is that she wants to be friends and the fear of ruining your friendship is preventing her from being able to take a step forward and go from being your friend to being your girlfriend. Don't ever believe this. When a girl says this, it really translates to how she's really feeling . She's not attracted to you.

You should know that when a female wants something, she will do whatever it takes in order to get it. She will destroy a friendship in exchange for a relationship and the attention of a guy. Girls will ditch their own girlfriends to hang out with a boy. So the truth is if she likes you, she doesn't care if you're friends or not. When the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" card is played, just give up because most likely, said girl is a crazy lying bitch anyway. If you keep trying, you're just playing into her dirty scheme and methods of getting attention from males (which I will discuss later).

Girls will also tell lies during sex. Fake orgasm anyone? This isn't one of the best things to lie about but sometimes, it's necessary. You can decide for yourself when it is and when it isn't. Unlike my usual self, I can't really share any more on this. 

I'm not really a girl expert or anything. I actually don't think those exist because no one understands women anyway but I think that being a girl gives me some credibility. Bottom line: don't trust girls. Even the really cute ones.

Oh, so that's what the pole is for!

(206): How slutty are you dressing on a scale of 1 to slut-fest?
(425): I want a lesbian to hit on me :)
(206): Oh ok I'll do the same! If all else fails, will you hold my hand?
(425):We'll make a Wynn-Sandwich.
(206): Kay. I'm on my way over.
(425): Good. I'm in my underwear.

So instead of being the usual sober square and staying home on Friday nights like I always do, I went out to Seattle last night and painted it rainbow. Sammi's sister convinced me that gay bars are the new, hip place to go. And since I love trying new things, I put on my sluttiest clothes (re: jeans and a shirt) and went out dancing last night at Seattle's trendiest gay bar, RPlace.

I'm pretty sure the last time I had a drink was four months ago. With that said, I'm sure you can imagine how much of a light-weight I am (cheap date!). Even after having two drinks and barely being able to stand straight, I still wanted to dance and to my (inner slut's) delight, RPlace has a stripper pole. Yesssss. Most genius idea ever! I think they put that there for people like me who love to drink and dance. It's for holding yourself up! Duh! Fucking homosexual geniuses.

Asian genes, you have failed me

Before frolicking with homosexuals last night, I went to Greenlake with Mystery Guy to soak up some of that awesome Seattle sun. However, I wore shorts and a tanktop and not only did I end up sun-burned but I now have the strangest looking tan-lines. Here is an artist's rendition:

My asian genes suck. I'm supposed to benefit by not getting burned. Where did my DNA go wrong? I must be a biological sport...

On the plus side, I look pretty good when I'm not naked-- at least I will in a few days.  Nothing completes summer like a new shade of golden (red) skin. I can't wait until this crap peels off. I hope I don't get skin cancer.

He's not a killer

I met with Mystery Guy. He's good people and didn't stab me. We actually got along pretty well. I definitely give him props for being able to keep good conversation flow because not everyone is capable of doing that. We had lunch at the Eastlake Bar & Grill (my second favorite bar-grill-combo) and I had my usual coconut shrimp and Arnold Palmer. Meeting in public was a good idea because then I didn't have to bring my gun. I should meet random guys more often (laughs at self).

What I found interesting what that Mystery Guy inquired about my friendship with Dallas. It made me a tiny bit sad since Dallas and I don't talk like we used to. It's a small world. Everyone knows everyone now thanks to Facebook. In any case, I'm happy to report that Mystery Guy is not a killer but is indeed a very nice guy with lots of good stories. My favorite was about when he worked at Hollister. I'll follow up with more if we end up hanging out again. Since this encounter worked out so well for me, I'm gonna go onto Craig's List and just start emailing random guys. It's a great way to meet new friends!

I'll email this guy. He seems nice.

Because some mysteries just need to be solved

Mystery facebook guy added me as a friend four years ago when we first started at the University of Washington. I figured it was because we had some of the same friends and he just wanted me meet some new people. Well, about a month ago he starts to facebook chat with me out of the blue and soon after named me "mystery girl".

Out of the four years that we have been social networking buddies, we have never talked let alone meet face-to-face. That is until tomorrow. A part of me wants to hold on to the title of "mystery girl" and keep some things in life-- well, mysterious. The other part of me wishes that we had started talking to each other sooner instead of waiting for our college careers to be over.

I have no idea what his voice sounds like. I don't know how much I have to crane my neck when I look at him because I don't know how tall he is. Honestly, I haven't a clue what I should expect when I meet Mystery Guy.

Usually I have a lot to say but I find myself speechless because believe it or not, it's really hard to write about someone you know nothing about other than the fact that there are 868 pictures tagged of him on facebook, his interests are snowboarding, electronics, football, and scuba, and his favorite book is One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest (good choice btw).