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| I like how I said that in my last post I needed to start writing again... and here we are seven months later. With that said, this is actually a blog suicide note. BLOG suicide. Not IRL. You see, I figured that the $100 I paid for lifetime membership to Xanga paid off for everything that I've posted since 2004. Granted, I made 98% of those post private but who knows... maybe someday I will change that and the world can look back with me. This doesn't necessarily mean that I'm no longer going to be blogging. I'm moving to a slightly more grown up hosting site. Why? Well all of the dating and single-ness that I've come to experience since that epic winter-storm has brought me to one guy that I have fallen completely in love with. New journey, different and more exciting adventures will be embarked upon. We moved in together last month and shaved the cats yesterday because long haired animals oftentimes have dingleberries. I cannot imagine doing weird shit (haha) like that with anyone else. From now on, I'll be at wynnsquared.wordpress.com until I give up out of frustration because I can't seem to figure out how it works. | | |
| The only way to overcome writer's block is for me to start writing for myself instead of doing it for a specific audience. The key is for me to let my gaurd down and write what I feel instead of worrying about being judged. I will have to make myself vulnerable in order to do that. That will not be a problem at all and here's why: "When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in engaging with another person, the emotional intensity of the conversation escalates as the other person reponds in kind. He or she recognizes our willingness to be open as an invitation to take the relationship to a deeper level." -Click My relationships with everyone have become much more rewarding since I started to make this change in everyday life. There are times where I revert back to putting up an emotional wall but those times have become far and few. Instead of using an emotional wall to lean on, I will lean on my "wonderwalls". From now on, I'm going to keep this in mind whenever I write and especially when I'm building foundations of trust, friendship, and love. | | |
| Have you ever stood atop a mountain and looked down at the little cars and people minding their own business below? Have you ever climbed four miles to the summit and felt the cool breeze and nervously hoped you wouldn't get blown away? I hadn't been able to do that until this summer. We were two people trying to figure out life and moving along with it. Perhaps getting to the top of those three mountains was the best thing I could have done for myself. It's quiet up there. Aside from other hikers trying to accomplish the same goal, the only thing that I could hear was the whooshing sound of the wind and the whipping of my hair around my face, sometimes a faint waterfall in the distance. How many times a day do I take deep inhales and exhales and thank the universe that I was given this body and this mind? Not many. When I was looking down at the miniature buildings and people, I felt like I had put things in a new perspective, not just literally. The world is so big and I am just one tiny person. Why did it feel like there's a bigger plan for me than just existing? Barely six months ago my life was consumed by work, friends, school, partying... things that every young adult experiences. Today, I'm days away from officially being twenty-three and all I can think is that over the course of one year, I've figured out life a little bit more and am actually looking forward to another journey of 365 days around the sun... more lessons to learn and more mountains to climb. 
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| It was hard to let them go but I had to eventually. My old posts are gone. What was the tipping point? I'm not sure actually but I guess you can say I've changed-- not the vertical kind of change where a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. It's something that can't really be described and I'm still tweaking around with it a bit to try to understand what has happened. I can't put my finger on it because it was so gradual. Small degrees of movement that aren't noticable until you take a step back. Going back and looking through everything that I've written since 2004 was difficullt to say the very least. It was like I fast-traveled through the last six, almost seven years of my life and re-lived every up and down that turned me into the young woman I've become today. | | |
| Never thought I had to do it but I ended up deleting my most recent ex off of my Facebook friends. Silly, I know but it has put my mind at ease because I have stopped getting updates about him and his new girlfriend. And all I can really say about it is that she looks twelve and he looks happy. Even though we're no-longer connected on the internetz, Facebook says we have 100+ mutual friends and news tends to trickle, so I'm sure one of them will see this post *waves*. | | |
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