May 17, 2009
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You are not alone... it's a pretty small oyster
There is a term for what people my age are going through. Adults who are just starting their early twenties sometimes experience what is known as a Quarter-life Crisis. For some, it can be a tough transition from early adulthood to midlife-- the time where people tend to tell you that "the world is your oyster" and supposedly, you have a plethora of opportunities. Wikipedia lists some signs of this stage as:
- Financially-rooted stress
- The feeling that everyone is suceeding more than you are
- Identity confusion
- Loneliness
- Insecurity regarding the near future
- Insecurity regarding accomplishments
- Frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
I think the biggest hindrance here is the lack of commitment us quarter-lifers want to put into anything besides careers. At this point, everything is just taking off. We're about to finish college or if we're lucky enough, we even have a degree under our belts. Naturally, the next step is to find an entry-level position or a paid internship and start working our butts off. And very commonly, we'll have to travel and find a new beginning.
With a fresh new start, many loose ends and relationships are left behind. Is it any wonder we don't want to commit to anything? Why bother dating anyone seriously if you're not gonna end up together anyway? Heck, I don't even want to commit to a gym membership for fear of that huge cancellation fee that I will face when move onto something better.
I think the bigger question here is how one would go about dealing with a QLC? When a typical person hits a mid-life crisis, they get a convertible, a condo, and even a new mistress. What does a single, poor, twenty-something do? Apparently, I have an entire oyster to myself that I can do anything with. The opportunities are endless afterall!
Comments (126)
Woohoo! Bring on the meaningless sex! Not to me from you, I mean... well you know what I'm talking about! geez.
I've been through a QLC. I think I'm over it now.
Meaningless sex at this point is sounding pretty appealing to me too hahaha.
QLC - everyone goes through it at some point in their lives..eventually we all live through it and learn from it. one of life's many experiences
Meaningless sex can get old pretty quick though.
give up dating? i thought you had a bf?
Damn the QLC. I'm definitely feeling you on so many of those bullet points, especially all those insecurities. How do I deal? If you can, traveling is a good way to distract me from my problems
Good post. I'm now 28 and I have successfully survived my QLC (thanks to Xanga--haha). Looking back I am still sort of paying the price for my coping strategies (breaking up w/ my boyfriend and making a very crazy decision to go backpacking in Europe for 3 weeks w/ someone I barely knew), but at the same time it was an eye opener. Thank God life goes on and I am now older, wise, and past my QLC--it does exist, and hopefullly you'll get through yours safely.
Hang in there. I think I've been experiencing this since I dropped out =/
...you sure you want the convertible...its getting real sunny in many places...
but you arent alone..okay?
*hugs*
Really hating my QLC. I cry too often and feel too hopeless.
It seems like all of life is one big crisis. o.O
haha. I like your post. I especially like the last part. ^_~ I'm also right there with you in the QLC.
I'm just out of college and I must agree. I've been meaning to blog about this actually.
Life is just one damn thing after another, isn't it? Great post!
I am saddened by this post. Hopefully you find the true meaning of life one day. =P
QLC, something I actually needed to describe how I have been feeling lately...very informative post.
We tell ourselves that a certain age is QLC go avoid the reality that EVERY age can become a crisis, if we aren't careful and don't work hard enough. But other than that...I certainly understand some of those bullet points. Waaaaay to well.
I. AM. GOING. THROUGH. THIS. I feel better about it now.
I just entered the quart life crisis. I feel so much better knowing about this. Thank-You.
How are you today?
Word.
i haven't hit QLC
but your way of dealing with it sounds great.
and the idea of meaningless sex sounds appealing at all times to me (minus STIs)
Finally, there's a name for what I'm feeling... . and omg I don't want to turn 21!!!!!!!! (Even though I'll be able to legally by alchohol) It means I am going to be OLD!!!!!!!! And that is soooo scary.
hahaha.....sigh~ (yes, a laugh and a sigh..you know what that means..i'm on the same boat....>.<)
I just turned twenty years old three months ago and I'm already feeling the Q L C!
I am experiencing every symptom you listed: an ever-increasing student loan-debt, everyone else is so much more better at life than I am, loneliness and insecurity of the future. I hate it. I never wanted to go to college. I went to please my parents. But, now, as they're reaching retirement, they want me to finish faster.. which I can't. My whole situation just blows!
Meaningless sex rocks my socks.
Slow down and smell the roses. You only go through your quarter life crisis once.
Nice post. Expressive
I think I'm suffering from this now. Thanks for the heads up
my only advice would be: STEP YOUR GAME UP.
Hello!
I think I just got over the QLC. You get over it once you realize that you aren't quite as hopeless as you think you are, and when you stop pitying your position and get your butt working on something.
Damn, I feel ya girl. Im only 18 though, but I have all the symptoms. I got the convertible a few days ago and that made me happy for a lil bit. Hope the puppy helps I can't have one in my apartment ;(
yeah i am going to have to be in the rat race for a say in this matter: okay, i know that there is no real QLC, except I feel the effects of it day after day. I am in the same sinking ship and I can't break free, so I will get ahold of a life-boat and then be brought to the place of exuberance that I can enjoy myself in without the stressors that you've mentioned. And meaningless sex, possibly one of the most horrible things, where's a passionite csl'd girl going to be without a little of that?
i haven't had one of those yet i think
Today you are you, that is truer than true. There will never be anyone youer than you.
@another_rebel_without_a_cause - =) That is all.
I'm stuck in QLC for some time now. It's pretty depressing.
@wynnw -
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
Never forget the words of the good Dr. Suess.
@Simply_Mizz_J - Oh yeah bf and I have been broken up for about two weeks now. No mas!
@Roadlesstaken - Traveling is a good way to do it but it's quite pricey. I'd flee if I could. I've been dealing two ways. Distracting myself with books and sleep medication and friends. Friends are the best =)
@lil_squirrel4ever - Thank you for your kind thoughts. Break-ups dont usually help the QLC but stuff happens and you just have to deal. I'm glad you survived haha. It gives me hope.
@evil_moxie - You can always message me if you'd like to vent/talk it out. I don't mind listening at all. Best wishes.
@npr32486 - You know... maybe it's a drop-out thing. I need to get back into school.
@Thegirlwhoknowstoomuch -@JupitersDays - @fading_roses19 - @JavaaWan - @diana_the_dreamer - @Just_another_life_of_a_girl - @coolcoolbeans -
Hahaha apparently we are all going through the same thing... Time to start a support group!!!
@Starring_Hobo89 - Good point. No regrets and live life to the fullest right? Time to enjoy the credit card bills!
@AzureRecollections - No one is really alone are they? I think we can all relate to someone else one way or another. Thanks for puttin' in your two cents. =) Self-pity doesnt really do anyone good huh?
@blu_eyez717 - Convertible?! Lucky! Take me for a spin!
@elkoz_ak553 - Breaking free is the hardest part. Makes me think of the song "I want to break free" by Queen. It makes me happy. =)
@findingliberty - Whenever I see a comment like yours, I always let people know that there is always an available resource. So if you would like to vent it out, you can always zoom me a message. Chin up.
@wynnw -
Its true, we can always find someone else in a similar situation. It is like... google your situation and you'll find someone else sharing your misery.
Don't forget to post pictures of the puppy and tell us its name. And you motorcycle? you're super cool (:
Enjoy QLC. MLC is worse!!
ughhh quarter life crisis.. at least when you go through mid life you have money. xP
I'm breathing, that's the point of life. As for futures, I'd rather not. I see it already. As for life peep talks, they're nice but impractical. I experienced my QLC when I was 16-17. Now I'm bored and trapped.
just dismiss me as overdramatic, that's the easiest one, I htink.
Read my mind much?
yep
im never going to get out of it :[
I agree with all of your points! Of course, I hit my QLC when I turned 21 (3 years ago) :S Just graduated from college and with the current economy there is even more stress. Hopefully things start looking up!
Nice to know I'm not the only one who feels insecure about my lack of accomplishments! The difficulty of finding a decent paying job these days doesn't help at all...
i can relate to most of what your saying, minus the meaningless sex part, i think supportive relationships with someone is one way to get thru this tough time even if you do have to be apart sometimes or suffer because you have no money to go out.
I won't even be 20 until later this year and this accurately describes what I've been going through lately. So much fun.
LOLL brilliant entry .. i must be going through that .. and i thought i was the only one!
I hit QLC in my teens! i guess I wont be living that long. lol.
Please don't be fooled by that idea of meaningless sex...
Not coooool!
Glad I'm not the only one! Jesus is seeing me through.
Well, that explains what I have been going through and puts a frame to it. Thanks!
Just make sure you stock up on condoms.
i like the point of this whole entry: "I hope I can hurry up and get through my quarter-life crisis so that I can move onto my mid-life crisis and get that convertible already."
hehehe =P
I don't even want an oyster!
i feel this.
Wow, it's like you described my life. I finished college not long ago, yet still have not gotten that elusive entry level job yet. So yeah, QLC does describe my life.
I'm 26 and I've been going through this since I was done with school 3 years ago.
* Financially-rooted stress - check
* The feeling that everyone is suceeding more than you are - definitely check
* Identity confusion - some times
* Loneliness - check
* Insecurity regarding the near future -check
* Insecurity regarding accomplishments - definitely check
* Frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career - definitely check.
I stress about my job and my finances because my parents are retired so they are living on a fixed income. I don't ask them for money at all. Definitely feel as though every one is succeeding except me. I hate not knowing about the future. I feel so alone even though I have a bf and families from both mine and bf's side loving me. I'm at a position that doesn't pay a lot but has a lot of work.
Lately, I've been feeling so sad. Mine started when school ended and I got my first real job. I feel a void right now because I've worked hard to finish school and was expecting a decent job but now instead end up at a lower paying job. The schedule is not human, 10 hours a day and weekends. I would also add the parents aren't helping. They expect me to do everything for them yet remain so indifferent towards my accomplishments but whenever my sister does something, they make it a big deal.
Again, thank you so much for the post! I thought I was alone in feeling like this.
Yes...that is my life right now. I am totally experiencing it and it sucks! Man, I can't wait until all of this BS is over...ugh!
You go to UW too? Nice! I thought everybody here had quit using Xanga.
Splitting up your life into blocks of time makes you realize how old you are. It kinda blows. Realizing, "I can never go back to how it used to be.." You have an interesting take on it though. And a goofy smile. Props.
I actually cried today for the first time in a really long time (I usually don't let my feelings overwhelm me) and it was due to this.
I'm glad to know that I'm not alone and that everyone feels small at one point or another.
I hope that everyone realizes that about one another and emotionally and physically support one another (sex doesn't have to be meaningless even if there aren't strings attached :smily:)
Goodluck to everyone n remember to take it one day at a time! ^_^
XO
i think i may be having a QLC. but we'll see where this 30 day journey takes me.
[please read my blogs for clarification.]
huh, there's a term for my quandary. cool
i think the only person's making any sense here is the last post and the very person who pasted this...yeah we only go through the quarter life crisis once...gotta smell the roses and feel the thorns...:p...not trying to mock anyones condition...or anything like that i have the same thing going on in my life except im 28...and this stuff stings...i am paying student loans and im still in school...and well not even able to finish yet...but work is hard for me...and life is so hard for me more people seem to be better at living life then i do...so...i can do anything but keep moving...oh....check next post...
Lonnie
ok so ya know that convertable everyone talking about...well my convertable is a Ranch house in N. Carolina...was gonna buy a car but im 28...its time for a house...and im living in it alone...what am i gonna do all alone in a damn house..????? guess make it up as a go along life and try and get through this QLC...but definitely lost the girlfriend...that one came first...met a new girl...but she lives in San Diego...all i can thank of now is just try and have meaningless sex without the STIs...
Lonnie
Life experience is what builds up as a basic foundation that will only makes us stronger. You are doing good to share your feelings. Reading your entry was helpful. Thanks. Keep up the good work!!!
i feel this a lot "The feeling that everyone is suceeding more than you are" even when i was younger. is there such thing as "eighth life crises"? lol
heh, yeaaaa....
i relate to this! love the twist at the end haha.. however with an ageing population my concerns would be the pension!!! so make sure the convertible is one of those fine phenomenons that increase in value
))
@wynnw -
Yeah, I definitely need a support group!!
<LI>Loneliness
<LI>Insecurity regarding the near future
<LI>Insecurity regarding accomplishments
<LI>Frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
I couldn't have said it better myself. They say that youth is wasted on the young, well the truth is the young have so much crap they have to deal with that they don't have the time or energy to enjoy being young in the first place.
Quarter life crisis is pretty much the norm for me by now. Maybe I'll figure it out; I hope so.
"Insecurity regarding the near future." That pretty much sums it up. Whenever I have a QLC, I try to escape... by moving to a new culture/place. Korea is doing a good job for me!
crisis; they come and go; and to get through it, we just got to reconfirm our way.. there should not be any doubts about our way, where we're at or what we plan to do.. we need to know what we're doing is really what we want or what we need.. and who else knows us better than us.. and then again, most people don't really know what they want anyways..
Arg...QLC is totally killing me now.
Wow...this is exactly whats going on with me right now. and I mean EVERY bullet point is what's going on with me right now. The fact that I'm over 1000 miles from home and have been for the last six months and will be for the next ONLY GOD KNOWS how many months isn't helping me out.
It's crazy, but I somehow feel better that I'm not the only one. Wow...I really did just think I was freaking out. Well, I am freaking out, but you know what I mean
@Shy___Away -
Until you/other party decide to get their feelings involved... then someone gets hurt and all drama ( THE HILLS X 109103401 ) hits the fan.
TO THE AUTHOR:
Did you happen to use some of the points in this post from the book "Quarter-Life Crisis" By Robbins and Wilner?
Life is what you make of it regardless of how old you are.
Happiness is also a choice and interestingly enough, you can be happy without the convertible and the multi-million dollar penthouse condo.
And the dating thing... I think we all strive for perfection or finding "the one" that we can decide to spend the rest of our lives with.
BUT the truth is, we never find that person who we can say for sure "I know everything about you and I know can spend the rest of my life with you."
In fact, you have to find the person who you are not quite sure what it is about them you like so much, but you want to spend the rest of your life finding out.
Ohh i think im there even thought im like 18 lol
Every stage has new worries and gratifications. Great post!
@anonymousdimension -I've actually never read the book. Have you? I'm considering purchasing it in hopes to find some tips on how to deal with this though.
@imaginaryxwar - You're freaking out but at least you're not the only one. I think it's just better to know that you're not alone somestimes =)
I'm nearly twenty, and i do feel some of the QLC *sign* Well many people survived it
Nice post!
Yup.
Wow. Like a couple people have said, I'm glad I'm not the only one. Great post. I thought I needed to go on meds or something...
this is a good entry that reminds us about the general lifestyle of teens
hm, i guess i'm going through a QLC as well. a friend and i were talking about this the other night. feels like this QLC stuff is kicking my ass.
i try to fight back by changing little things in my life. i tried taking interesting classes at school, switching up my job activities, and got a puppy.
out of the three, the puppy was probably the best haha.
good luck with everything. =)
QLC - so that's what it is! it all makes sense now.
well now i feel really ignorant saying this after reading your blog and seeing all the comments but i honestly thought i was the only one who felt this way. it seems like everyone else around me has it all figured out.
it's rough
agh. I'm going through my QLC too, matching just about all your bullet points. At least bf is here for support as he's going through a QLC as well. AHHHH!!
So meaningless sex is the answer? ._.
Welcome to being human! What makes you think its just magically going to get better right away? You either knuckle down and work to fix what's bugging you or you pack it in and give up... It's the same at any age.
All of things you do including meaningless sex will be you just going through the motions until you have a path in life.
Geeze, I'm turning 20 this year and I already feel that way.
I've never heard of the oyster analogy... but I'm about to hit that age and it sounds scary! Meaningless sex does sound fun though haha
i was worried i was going through puberty again. my xanga's lately are all gross nd full of ANGzT
cool. nice post.
all those points are right on for me. So i guess i'm in the eye of QLC
..the hardest part of life is to live in it... damnn I sound so depressing =___=
Thank God Im Not The Only One...
QLC or not, that's yr life passing by, don't rush it. =)
With you on all the other stuff, and if you need help with that last part of the entry
, msg me and we'll discuss further. =P
Congrats being featured!
nice post :] I like it.
yeah, for other ppl out there like me! I might be a little sane after all lol.
Wow, that hit the nail right on the head. I think I'm just starting my QLC. i've been looking for a job for a few weeks now, and just lost the one that I had. Which means that I have enough money to pay for my next semester of school which will leave me totally broke. After that I have only one semester left before I graduate and I have no idea how I'm going to get the money to pay for it because I haven't heard back from any place that I've applied yet. Since I haven't got money to travel and I'm not into the meaningless sex thing, does anyone have any suggestions for coping?
You put into words something that I wasn't so sure was happening to me. But now that I've read this, all is so apparent now.
I'm going through the EXACT same thing!
This was enlightening.
I always called this the mid-mid life crisis and you're really correct about it all. I am totally the same way, but I find when I hold off on drinking for a long time, I generally somewhat accidentally binge on my first night out again, which is always regretful- esp. the hang over! Watch those motorcycles though, I did motorcross till I had a really bad accident and broke my arm, chin, and foot along with going blind for a week from the shock! Just keep safe and have fun!
These crisis come and go. Live in the moment, prepare for emergencys but don't dwell on the future. And the past is really not worth anything except as a learning experience.
Quarter Life Crisis "starts" sometime after college, but never really ever ends...
Honestly, you have a choice to be happy with where you are RIGHT NOW. You can start looking at the glass being half-full instead of being so empty all the time.
Forget the materialistic things because its just a distraction away from reality. You have to learn to be content with yourself and only yourself first before you can ever let go of all the insecurities.
Lets just say you won the lottery today and now you have a nice penthouse in downtown LA, you drive a Ferrari convertible and you have a billion-dollar corporation. Will you be happy? What if one day someone took all of that away? What then?
You can't let material possessions or success in your career define who you are. You have the power to choose (beauty about life). If you feel confident, beautiful, intelligent, and happy... then you are and no one can ever take that away from you. One guy who recently lost all of his fortune is still happy with himself because money and materialistic possessions never defined his level of happiness. However, the guy next door who lost the same things in life is now dreading life and hating everything (you can guess why).
· Financially-rooted stress
If you're living off welfare and you find yourself on the side of the street, you should start worrying. Otherwise, this should be the least of your concern. Don't be too worried about money because you can always spend less. Its when you are spending MORE you should be worried about. If you can't afford Gucci, just buy guccie (aka fake gucci)
· The feeling that everyone is succeeding more than you are
Why compare yourself to other people? You can set your own definition of success. Life is always about figuring out "who you are" and trying to be successful. Talk to Bill Gates, he even said himself that he doesn't feel successful. Reach for the stars and even when you do land on the sky, there is still more room to reach for and there always will be.
· Identity confusion and Loneliness
I think these two go hand-in-hand. People who are lonely tend to be more depressed and also go into a state of confusion about themselves (who they are, what their purpose in life is, etc). One solution: Get out there! Travel, socialize, get involved in your community (volunteer, make a difference in a nursing home, shelter, hospital), get back into your hobbies (instruments, sports, spending time with family, etc), it will teach you that you are important to other people and will help clear any confusion you have about yourself.
· Insecurity regarding the near future
Live in the moment but be prepared for the future. Don't live in the future and miss the moment. I always had to reassure my ex-girlfriends that really... "You're going to be JUST fine"
· Insecurity regarding accomplishments
Accomplishments shouldn't burden you with insecurities. If it does, it was not an accomplishment.
· Frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
Ask the 80 year old man next door. He will tell you he still never figured this one out.. BUT he is a very happy man. Because he lived a GOOD life finding out...
Hope that cleared things up a bit for you! Best,
no offense but when i think of the word "crisis" i think of oh...i dunno... global warming, maybe civil war, methamphetamine abuse, endangered species, etc....... QLC??? hahaha. why are people so emo nowadays? i say just be happy that you don't have to do your laundry in a river.
@SilentSeekr -
Mind sharing your story about your QLC, how'd you get out of it?
Wow, I didn't know there was a name for it, lol. It's such a shame bcoz I think that
if we become less materialistic and just be HAPPY and GRATEFUL for what we have. Life would be easier.
Still, easier said than done BUT there is so much more to life than a lot of meaningless things.
That's life. Don't worry you'll do fine. I've been there. And I never get to finish college. So I start jump in early in that QLC.
But everything will turned out fine if you keep your heads up. Don't do meaningless sex LOL.
Great post. very expressive.
I think I will soon step into this QLC as I'm in my final year of college......
I actually can feel the heat bit by bit now esp confusion
thanks for posting it...=)
i loved this entry.
very cute.
I'm about there right now, so I know what you mean . . . but nice job putting it into words.
I'm so totally there right now. College let me put off thinking about starting real life but now that I'm done I'm just plain scared. What if I choose the wrong path. Is there a wrong path? Why can't I find a freakin' job close to home where all of my friends and family are? Thanks for giving our predicament a name
nah, i'm not even in my QLC and i feel like that. aren't these not just the usual phenomena of life?
This seems like an exceptually tumultuous time to be going through a QLC. I'm right there with you, getting my internship in a few days and I know that money is a terrible thing to be worrying about. When we're getting older but we're still young, it seems hard to reconcile the two. Hang in there!
Yep. I think I'm just starting my QLC...good lord.
I hate my QLC. I'm not sure what to do with it, other then box it up with my belongings and move it all home to where I'll have to deal with it them. Pretty sure I'm saving up to go Mountian Biking for a week in BC and learn to backflip. But I don't think that will end the QLC, most likely just hold it off for a week.
I think I'm quickly headed that way...but luckily I have my convertible
I agree except the meaningless sex. Hence the "meaningless" but then again, you don't have to deal with emotional rejection or attachment so I suppose it has it's upside.
If this is what being a college grad is like, I want to enjoy being in college forever!
Though I'm already there with those insecurities...>.<
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